True Delight
I have to be completely honest- I have been in a dump of yuckiness lately. In my head I carried the "Worst Mom Ever", "Worst Wife Ever", "Worst Daughter Ever"- you name it and I had the award pinned up on the walls of my brain lately (I know some of you may be thinking it's kind of selfish that I chose to name myself the winner of all of these events- well, just deal with it.... and now I will have guilt later for making that statement:).
Basic mommy guilt set in on several different occasions over the past few weeks, typical wife guilt set in as well- It is so hard being what you think you are "supposed to be" to everyone all the time. I had to come to grips with the fact that maybe that was a little self centered to even be thinking this- thanks to my handsome husband of almost 10 years (who knows me like the back of his own hand). He reminded me I was putting way too much of an emphasis on MYSELF even by thinking about how bad I was- I know I just talked in a circle but re-read it a couple times and you will get it.
In my attempts to be so serving, so loving, so giving, so... I failed to realize that in those attempts to "serve" or in my attempt to focus on how I was failing to not "serve" I was actually taking away the true meaning behind all of it. My thoughts turned from allowing God to use me as one of His beautiful instruments and I was attempting to be a "player piano" from the 50's- sounds beautiful, looks beautiful but it's the same song playing over and over and over as the little pins inside break off from being plucked one too many times. I was no longer allowing my creator to guide my love, my thoughts and my actions but I was trying to beat Him to the punch so I could gaze up to Him and say (in a self righteous tone I am sure) "See God- See what I did- I knew you would like it," only for Him to say, "Silly girl, that's okay an all but now are you ready to allow me to do what I wanted to do through you?" OUCH! HUGE REALITY CHECK!!!!!
I get so consumed with attempting to do what I think God would want me to do instead of fixing my eyes and my thoughts on Him and WAITING!!!!!! I am a terrible "wait-er". I can't even paint my fingernails very often because God forbid I sit still for 5 minutes while it dries!!!! I was driving through somewhere getting my fix (a Diet Coke- I know, it causes so many illnesses- don't judge!) and I found myself getting sooooooo angry because of the amount of time it was taking- so, I did what any self-righteous woman would do- I showed them by pulling off without getting my coke...... only to realize that I was beyond parched and they didn't care because I hadn't even paid for it yet- who got taught a lesson out of that deal! Good Grief!!
Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I know that many people refer to this verse in terms of physical things that can be touched or gazed at. However, God used this verse to speak to me regarding something I never would have considered when thinking about this verse. My hearts desire to truly serve- I want to serve my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my church- my my my my my........notice the pattern that is being typed over and over. The fact of the matter is simply that if I turn my thought and focus on Him, He will, in turn, guide my thoughts in the ways only He would have them to go. He will show me who I should be serving- which is ultimately HIM! I am not to serve others. I am not to serve my husband! I am not to serve my children, my family...... I am to serve God and that is where my true delight should come from.
The old saying "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" comes to mind. How can I- the "MOMMA"- be happy if my thoughts are not turned to Him. How is it possible to have true delight if I am so crazily focused on everything around me! Very simple concept- very difficult to truly conceptualize.....if that makes any sense at all.
Being a mom of 3 and one of them with a major medical thing going on- I can easily say I get distracted..... and that is probably an understatement. I loose track of what I am doing while I am brushing my own teeth because I can guarantee that someone is standing right next to me asking me to help, open, hold, wipe, well- you get the picture. Being a wife of an athlete is challenging as well- especially while he is doing intense training- I cannot even begin to describe the loads of laundry that are produced after a day of triathlon training!!!! BUT- regardless of what is going on around me and where my mind begins to wander- I have to be mindful to stay focused on Him- to truly DELIGHT myself in Him and allow Him to give me the true desires that will be produced only while living a life devoted to Him.
Sorry to be so deep in this post but just wanted to share a little bit that has been stirring in my mind lately:) Whew!
Basic mommy guilt set in on several different occasions over the past few weeks, typical wife guilt set in as well- It is so hard being what you think you are "supposed to be" to everyone all the time. I had to come to grips with the fact that maybe that was a little self centered to even be thinking this- thanks to my handsome husband of almost 10 years (who knows me like the back of his own hand). He reminded me I was putting way too much of an emphasis on MYSELF even by thinking about how bad I was- I know I just talked in a circle but re-read it a couple times and you will get it.
In my attempts to be so serving, so loving, so giving, so... I failed to realize that in those attempts to "serve" or in my attempt to focus on how I was failing to not "serve" I was actually taking away the true meaning behind all of it. My thoughts turned from allowing God to use me as one of His beautiful instruments and I was attempting to be a "player piano" from the 50's- sounds beautiful, looks beautiful but it's the same song playing over and over and over as the little pins inside break off from being plucked one too many times. I was no longer allowing my creator to guide my love, my thoughts and my actions but I was trying to beat Him to the punch so I could gaze up to Him and say (in a self righteous tone I am sure) "See God- See what I did- I knew you would like it," only for Him to say, "Silly girl, that's okay an all but now are you ready to allow me to do what I wanted to do through you?" OUCH! HUGE REALITY CHECK!!!!!
I get so consumed with attempting to do what I think God would want me to do instead of fixing my eyes and my thoughts on Him and WAITING!!!!!! I am a terrible "wait-er". I can't even paint my fingernails very often because God forbid I sit still for 5 minutes while it dries!!!! I was driving through somewhere getting my fix (a Diet Coke- I know, it causes so many illnesses- don't judge!) and I found myself getting sooooooo angry because of the amount of time it was taking- so, I did what any self-righteous woman would do- I showed them by pulling off without getting my coke...... only to realize that I was beyond parched and they didn't care because I hadn't even paid for it yet- who got taught a lesson out of that deal! Good Grief!!
Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I know that many people refer to this verse in terms of physical things that can be touched or gazed at. However, God used this verse to speak to me regarding something I never would have considered when thinking about this verse. My hearts desire to truly serve- I want to serve my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my church- my my my my my........notice the pattern that is being typed over and over. The fact of the matter is simply that if I turn my thought and focus on Him, He will, in turn, guide my thoughts in the ways only He would have them to go. He will show me who I should be serving- which is ultimately HIM! I am not to serve others. I am not to serve my husband! I am not to serve my children, my family...... I am to serve God and that is where my true delight should come from.
The old saying "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" comes to mind. How can I- the "MOMMA"- be happy if my thoughts are not turned to Him. How is it possible to have true delight if I am so crazily focused on everything around me! Very simple concept- very difficult to truly conceptualize.....if that makes any sense at all.
Being a mom of 3 and one of them with a major medical thing going on- I can easily say I get distracted..... and that is probably an understatement. I loose track of what I am doing while I am brushing my own teeth because I can guarantee that someone is standing right next to me asking me to help, open, hold, wipe, well- you get the picture. Being a wife of an athlete is challenging as well- especially while he is doing intense training- I cannot even begin to describe the loads of laundry that are produced after a day of triathlon training!!!! BUT- regardless of what is going on around me and where my mind begins to wander- I have to be mindful to stay focused on Him- to truly DELIGHT myself in Him and allow Him to give me the true desires that will be produced only while living a life devoted to Him.
Sorry to be so deep in this post but just wanted to share a little bit that has been stirring in my mind lately:) Whew!
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