Old Ways...
So, when you are someone who has received a transplant you have to take medication everyday that suppresses your immune system so that your body does not start attacking your transplanted organ as it would, say, the flu or a cold or some other sort of infection. This means you cannot be around people who are very sick or have some sort of contagious something.... whatever that something might be. It also means that you cannot be in close living quarters with someone who has received a live vaccine because of the possibility of the vaccine sloughing off the skin or coming out in the saliva or something (nasty I know) of the vaccinated person. Now, I will say, this has not been proven to be 100% true but because there is a possibility, the transplanted person needs to be separated from the vaccinated person for 4-5 days just as a buffer. All of this to say, Alex and Elijah got their vaccinations yesterday so Brasen is out of our house until at least Monday (with my mom, dad and oldest brother). This is so bizarre to us- only having two kids, one of which could make dirt look fun and could play by herself all day, is just weird to us now! I haven't been away from any of my children for longer that 3 full days and nights- ever! Wow!!!!
Over the past year God has really been "messing with my stuff" as our pastor at CG would say. He has really been showing me that I need to stop focusing on myself and my own strengths and lay all of my trust in Him. I have been a Christian for a very very long time so you would think this wouldn't be a foreign concept to me but, just being honest, it is a struggle I battle with every day. I grew up with a very strong momma who moved large furniture from room to room by herself, fixed leaky pipes when my dad was out on the road working, you name it- she could do it and I grew up believing that I could do whatever I put my mind to if I wanted or needed to. Now, the bad part is that I took it to the next level and started applying it to every area of my life and to this day I can find myself saying (not out loud but in my head:) "I don't need your (fill in the blank of the person or organization) help- I can totally do this on my own."
When we moved into our house we currently live in we acquired a second story. This was something I had always dreamed of as kid- oh how glorious a set of stairs looked in my head when I was 12! After we closed on the house I was able to be at home alone for 2 days just getting things situation and put away before Brasen (who was the only child we had at the time) returned home and while Brian was at work during the day. Brian had experienced my "I can do it by myself" attempts of painting and home remodeling over the years so he instructed me to only work on the kitchen and important stuff while he was gone........errrr, well, I decided it was a brilliant idea for me to move a queen sized mattress upstairs by myself so that Brian wouldn't have to do it when he returned home that evening. So, I did- our stairs are as wide as a queen sized mattress so it just happen to lay perfectly across the stairs. The best way I could think of doing this was to just grab the mattress (that was floppy as all get out) and drag it up the stairs..... so, (yep, you got it)... I did. I got to the top of the stairs and realized I was in trouble- I couldn't get the silly thing to turn the way I needed to so I had drug the mattress on top of myself to hold it while I worked the situation out in my mind. There I was (mental picture time), sitting at the top of our stairs, laying flat on my back with my feet pointing down the stairs with a QUEEN SIZED mattress on top of me and both, the mattress and I, were starting to slip down. No one in the house but me and the queen so I had to figure it out. I eventually did and I am surprised I did not give myself a hernia or something even worse! Trying to do something on my own did not work out too terribly well that very day. I revered back to my old ways, attempted something and it almost turned out badly, with a hole in the wall at the bottom of the stairs big enough for a bed to go through!
With the transplant that Brasen had last year and other life things that have occurred God has been still attempted to gently guide me to the realization that my trust has got to be in HIM. Yesterday, while Elijah was sleeping and Alex was having a barbie pool party in the back yard I got to sit and read. Now, this is a big deal- no one asking me to get this, clean that, wipe this- I was virtually up and alone with the easiest tempered child in America and she was busy with barbies so I had some time- WHOHOO!!!! I turned on the worship set list for this upcoming week's services at CG and started reading the simple part of my bible study. I didn't get much further than this because it knocked me for a massive loop. Everyday, in addition to whatever study may be doing at the time, I always read the daily devo from Sarah Young's book "Jesus Calling". I don't know why but I just find so much peace in the way she writes and it is always very short but powerful. So, I am at the point in the worship set where I am listening to Hillsong United's "I Will Exalt You" and some of the lyrics are, "because you are with me, I will not fear..... You're my hiding place, my safe refuge, my shelter, Lord, you are...." and I begin to read this from the devo....
The verses of Romans 8:38-39; Psalm 36:3-4 and Isaiah 43:19 followed and there I was face to face with something God has been saying so gently to me for years- I have no control, I have no power, it is not by my will but by His will that I am even able to walk this earth everyday! As a mommy and a total control freak- this is difficult because I try to protect my kids from anything and everything possible. I carry 3 different types of antibacterial soap in my purse along with every possible medication one of them may need- EVERYWHERE!!! My purse is HUGE!
So, here I am at 5:00 a.m. on a Friday morning realizing that today is not mine. I am going to make every attempt to not worry about Brasen who is 60 miles away from me and my magical purse of medicine and antibacterial-ness, I am going to make every attempt to not worry about the looming bills that need to be paid and all of the "supposed-to's" I feel that I should be attempting to live up to. I am going to attempt to downsize my purse for the sake of my back (no promises but I will try).
The old saying is very true- "old ways die hard"...... so, today- I am face to face with my old ways- let's see how I do today walking in the Spirit that God has so beautiful placed around me- not by my ways, but by and through His........
I am believing and living Isaiah 43:18&19......... God, guide my steps and lead me.
Over the past year God has really been "messing with my stuff" as our pastor at CG would say. He has really been showing me that I need to stop focusing on myself and my own strengths and lay all of my trust in Him. I have been a Christian for a very very long time so you would think this wouldn't be a foreign concept to me but, just being honest, it is a struggle I battle with every day. I grew up with a very strong momma who moved large furniture from room to room by herself, fixed leaky pipes when my dad was out on the road working, you name it- she could do it and I grew up believing that I could do whatever I put my mind to if I wanted or needed to. Now, the bad part is that I took it to the next level and started applying it to every area of my life and to this day I can find myself saying (not out loud but in my head:) "I don't need your (fill in the blank of the person or organization) help- I can totally do this on my own."
With the transplant that Brasen had last year and other life things that have occurred God has been still attempted to gently guide me to the realization that my trust has got to be in HIM. Yesterday, while Elijah was sleeping and Alex was having a barbie pool party in the back yard I got to sit and read. Now, this is a big deal- no one asking me to get this, clean that, wipe this- I was virtually up and alone with the easiest tempered child in America and she was busy with barbies so I had some time- WHOHOO!!!! I turned on the worship set list for this upcoming week's services at CG and started reading the simple part of my bible study. I didn't get much further than this because it knocked me for a massive loop. Everyday, in addition to whatever study may be doing at the time, I always read the daily devo from Sarah Young's book "Jesus Calling". I don't know why but I just find so much peace in the way she writes and it is always very short but powerful. So, I am at the point in the worship set where I am listening to Hillsong United's "I Will Exalt You" and some of the lyrics are, "because you are with me, I will not fear..... You're my hiding place, my safe refuge, my shelter, Lord, you are...." and I begin to read this from the devo....
"You will never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in My control. Instead of striving for a predictable, safe lifestyle, seek to know Me in greater depth and breadth, I long to make your life a glorious adventure, but you must stop clinging to old ways. I am always doing something new within My beloved one. Be on the lookout for all that I have prepared for you."
The verses of Romans 8:38-39; Psalm 36:3-4 and Isaiah 43:19 followed and there I was face to face with something God has been saying so gently to me for years- I have no control, I have no power, it is not by my will but by His will that I am even able to walk this earth everyday! As a mommy and a total control freak- this is difficult because I try to protect my kids from anything and everything possible. I carry 3 different types of antibacterial soap in my purse along with every possible medication one of them may need- EVERYWHERE!!! My purse is HUGE!
So, here I am at 5:00 a.m. on a Friday morning realizing that today is not mine. I am going to make every attempt to not worry about Brasen who is 60 miles away from me and my magical purse of medicine and antibacterial-ness, I am going to make every attempt to not worry about the looming bills that need to be paid and all of the "supposed-to's" I feel that I should be attempting to live up to. I am going to attempt to downsize my purse for the sake of my back (no promises but I will try).
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