Never Enough...

Some days just don't make sense......  

the world seems dark and ugly and out of control...... 

but there are other days that surprise me....

simple things that are so lovely and ordinary catch my eye and I stop to take out of focus photos of them so that I can look back at those random moments and catch my breath and see the good....

my morning cup of coffee that I sat on the piano as I was looking for something but the loveliness of it made me stop to take a pic....... 

lemons that are (and have been) waiting for their turn to shine in a dish or a drink....  

one of my favorite pics of my daddy and our older two.... It's my screensaver on my laptop... oh if I

 could go back and hear that conversation......

this sign.....  I have drug this sign around for so many years... it's falling apart but I can't let it go....  I'm a proud truck driver's daughter.  When I was little he drove cross country and would be gone for a week or two at a time.  We didn't have a lot of money but he always brought back "treasures" for me.  It may have been a bag of dried fruit from a fruit stand on the California coast that he picked up somewhere between Bakersfield and San Jose..... it may have been a pen with a red laser light he picked up at a Petro station when he stopped to take a shower......  But even as I grew older and had a family of my own he would still surprise me.... and this was one of the things he surprised me with.  Knowing I was having a difficult time navigating the roads of motherhood and just feeling overwhelmed he saw this and brought it back to me.

"To the world you may be one but to one you are the world..."

It's so easy to get overwhelmed with life..... I do it regularly.  I hold it in and then explode... I sometimes swear that everyone would be better off without me because I feel like I just can't do it anymore......  I carry weight that isn't mine to carry.  I don't feel like I am .....enough.  And, I'm not.  

.......And that is a good thing.....

I don't ever want to be enough.....  I don't ever want to wear the shirt saying "I am enough".... I don't ever want to post the photo with the caption saying, "I am enough".....  

.......because, when I am enough these simple coffee and lemon photograph moments won't catch me off guard anymore..... If I am enough, nothing else will be enough and I will be constantly searching and trying and exhausting myself for the next feeling of,.... "enough".....

I want to always be reminded of the small beautiful pure things....... the light shining in the window..... the Nutella on the end of my little girl's nose that has been there for hours without her knowing it...... the simple touch of my grooms hand as it holds mine while we drive in the car on the way to get a Sonic drink......  

so, here's to today, friend..... may you never feel enough..... but, somehow, may you know that you are loved by a Savior who is enough and provides everyday little surprises for you to remind you that he is always always thinking of you........