Goodness and Abundance

 

I found the above image on Pinterest and I thought it was very fitting for this blog entry and this time in my life. 

 

Follow me, if you will, along the journey we have been on over the past few months.  Here are some pics to bring it home.....

Keep in mind, the pictures I chose to post above are all pictures that have taken place since the first week of November 2013....... nothing to see here, nothing going on at all.....

And now- here we are.  You can see why I chose to post the Pinterest picture as the opening act in this post..... I think we need a good long pause, or "Selah" as it is written in Psalm.  Here is a little written narrative to explain...

We finished up 2012 (yes, 2012) with Brian signing up to do an Ironman in 2013.  We just knew that my body was done making babies so we had "the surgery" to make sure it wouldn't happen.  We also knew that God wanted us to add another human to our family by adoption so we started the domestic adoption paperwork through OKDHS and started on our way to living a new life.  Boy oh boy, or should I say Girl oh Girl, does God get a kick out of our interpretation on His will for our lives......

In January I set out to complete my first half marathon- solo.  I had ran one before with one of my brothers.  I had ran a full marathon with Brian but I wanted to experience a half marathon alone. All by myself.  No one else running with me.  No living creature running side by side that I knew.  I hope I am painting a clear picture of my desire for this darn race......

So, I am running every day, eating the best vegetarian diet I could, being a mother and helping the hubs prepare for his grueling training that would be starting in April- just as I would be completing the half marathon....ALONE. 

March 2013 rolls around and I hit a wall.  I was running strong through January and February- Miles and Miles every day and out of nowhere I was barely able to run a 5k.  I was exhausted all the time, sick all of the time and just not feeling well.  Pressing on I pushed myself to continue running what I could hoping that it was just a phase my body was going through.  April rolled around and Alex wanted to have a big birthday party at a local park.  At that time I was struggling and starting to experience some new symptoms.  The half marathon was only 2 weeks away and even though I was running like crazy and eating healthier than ever before I was starting to experience strange things.  The day of Alex's birthday was torture.  I had a migraine from the pit of hell.  I am not kidding.  It was all I could do to not puke and pass out in front of all of her little friends and their parents.  Brian was scheduled to ride with his cycling/tri team that night but he had to call and cancel because I was melting into our bed in a very dark bedroom wit the door shut swallowing hard to keep myself from puking all over the place.  Something was just not right so I did what any intelligent, God fearing woman would do- I went straight to the internet (insert massive amount of sarcasm here).  Sure enough, my worst fear was clearly typed out in front of me on WebMD- I had multiple forms of female cancers and I was going to die while running, ALONE, on some street in OKC on the day of the half marathon.  I called my doctor and decided to make an appointment so that he could tell me not to run alone... but, before that Brian asked me if I had been having a monthly cycle. 

Um, honey, silly man- you know that I haven't and that's totally normal for an athlete that is training, eating no meat and- to top it off- that is one of the symptoms of the terrible illness that WebMD had diagnosed me with (thanks for rubbing that in!).  As I was thinking of all the sarcastic things I could say to him he suggested I take a pregnancy test.  Was he crazy!  Had he lost his mind????  We had "the surgery" to make sure I would never carry another child in my body!  We had started home visits by a DHS coordinator for an adoption.  I was the smallest size I had EVER BEEN IN THE HISTORY OF MY BODY (including birth weight 34 years ago)- there was no way I was pregnant! But, seeing that he is right more than not (don't ever tell him I said that) I sulked to Wal-Mart and made no eye contact with the cashier as I paid for the pregnancy test. 

Three kids watching TV, the hubs cleaning up dinner, dog needing to go outside and there I am- locked in the bathroom doing the most absurd thing that I could imagine doing at that time.  Suddenly, well actually, Immediately the test proved my loving husband right- yet again.  It said I was pregnant.  I yelled for him to come into the bedroom and there I stood, sobbing and hiding from our children I share the news of the stick with him.  He laughed, hugged me, knelt down, kissed my belly and told me how excited he was.  I thought he had briefly misunderstood me due to the sobbing in between words, so I explained, again, what the stick had told me.   He held me tight and said that God obviously had a different plan for us..... and that was just the beginning of 2013.

I finished the half marathon but not alone- I had someone not running beside me but listening to my very heartbeat every time I took another step... what a precious moment that was for me as I crossed that finish line- with our precious baby girl (not a cancerous tumor) growing inside of me.

Brian started his training, the doctor calculated my due date and informed me that Brian would be traveling to the Ironman alone, all by himself, wife not by his side.  Well, at least one of us was completing something semi-alone that year ;0).  Late spring, early summer, we got the word that Brian would transferred to a different area in the company and we were given two choices- Austin, TX or OKC, OK.  Boy does God have a sense of humor.  Texas?  Seriously?  I am an OU alumni and my family and friends are all in Oklahoma... the whole OU alumni thing was enough for me- BOOMER SOONER.  And then there was OKC.  Been there, done that when we were first married and I swore I would NEVER NEVER NEVER live in the 405 area code again- ever.  HA!  God got another good laugh out of that one.

Long story-short version- flew to Ausin, hated it.  OKC bound. My doctor laughed. Found a house, sold ours, house in 405 area code fell through 2 days before closing- doctor laughed again.  House hunting, great and patient realtor, found new house out in the COUNTRY (it seemed) in 405- doctor keeps laughing.  Moving truck came, put our things in storage,  move in with my mom and dad in my tiny-spec-on-the-map hometown.  Homeschool our kids because we have no place to live. Brian commutes 4 hours a day because we can't close on 405 house until all the paperwork goes through in the "Mayberry" type country county- aka- don't hold your breath because it takes 4-LIFE!!!  Baby almost due, the hubs drives to Arizona to complete the Ironman.  Finished the Ironman.  Drives home, drives to 405, closes on our house, moves in on an icy, snowy, frozen, windy 405 kind of day with a HUGE wife, 3 kids, 1 dog (and a partridge in a pear tree) one week before thanksgiving.  Whew!  That made me tired just typing that out...

Thanksgiving came and went.  Baby was due on December 4th.  December 3rd I had a pre-op appointment in Tulsa (with the laughing doctor) all the while a winter storm warning was coming in the 918 and 405 areas!  In true Russell fashion- me and the three kids drove over to the hospital, Brian left work to get the dog and a bag of clothes and we had surgery that night to deliver the baby, Arden Sofia, one day early so that I could leave the hospital the morning the winter storm was moving in in order to drive the turnpike safely between Tulsa and OKC safely.  FUN TIMES!

Older kids start school (because I knew that I wasn't able to take care of a newborn and homeschool my kids at the same time- because, let's face it- no one, in the history of the world had ever done that before;0).  One week later- Brasen is hospitalized for an infection....  seriously, you can't make this stuff up.  We all make it through the holidays and the kids start school again.  two weeks later- Brasen is hospitalized for pneumonia and wacky blood work.  HOMESCHOOL it is for him! 

At this point I felt the need to crawl in a hole, wave a flag and wait for the groundhog to find me on February 2nd.  I had some serious convos with God during this time.  Convos about lots of things but here is the run down:

1.  Never supposed to be pregnant with #4
2.  Never supposed to be moved to the 405 again
3.  Never supposed to have a baby on an odd day (all of the rest of us have even birthdays so this one was supposed to be born on an even day as well- in my OCD mind!)
4.  Not supposed to have a 2 week old baby while my oldest son in sent to the hospital!
5.  Never supposed to homeschool my kids!!!
6.  Never going to be a part of a church plant again- EVER!!!!

you guessed it- all of the above has happened. And I am here to tell you, God listened to me belly ache and cry.  I pulled out all the stops and let him have it a couple of times and pointed at specific circumstances that "were not supposed to happen" and basically said (just like moses did in Exodus 14) "Was it because there were no graves in [Tulsa] that you brought us to the desert, aka 405, to die!" (I am fully aware that I am dramatic at times so just go with it). And then, just like his conversation with Moses in Exodus 14 he patiently spoke to my heart and said "Why are you crying out to me!?!?!"

There I was, just like Moses.  Over and over and over I went to God, crying out and praying for his guidance and deliverance.  Over and over and over I went to God saying "I will NEVER(fill in the blank) because it's not in my plan." and he patiently waited for just the right time to drop the bomb on me. 

Why was I whining and crying and begging to be delivered?  Why was I so focused on the bad, let's face it, 1st world county problems I was experiencing?  Why was I overlooking the HUGE flashing lights he was attempting to show me every stinking day?  The answer- a huge, massive amount of human-flesh-ness!  That's it. 

Now, here I sit- blogging for the first time in almost a year.  Kids are in bed, the hubs in watching some zombie apocalypse show, the dog is snoring and I, in some crazy way, feel a sense of peace I haven't felt in quite sometime.  Yes, everything in that list has happened.  Yes, 1-6 is a reality and there are a few other things I could add to that list that are still hanging out but- like Moses- God gave me an "Aaron" to walk beside me and help me during my weak times when I do not feel equipped to withstand the pressures that seem to surround me.

So now what?  Well, I am choosing to let the words of Isaiah 61 sink so deep into my soul that not even the darkest of days can squish it out!  Me, the hubs, the kids- we are living in The Year of the Lord's Favor (as my Life Application Study Bible so proudly entitles this chapter).  I walk not in my strength or my might but by the spirit that lives in me. 

Isaiah 61:1 starts out this powerful chapter by saying, "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. 2. to proclaim the YEAR OF THE LORD'S FAVOR." 

I have this sign in my kitchen and I think it is terribly ironic... there is absolutely nothing about the Russell's life that is simple.  Not one thing.  But, we have been called and set apart to declare freedom and satan has attempted to throw so many things in our path to stop that from happening.  Let's face it, the words of the song ring true- our God is greater, stronger and he is certainly higher than any other.  He is HEALER and mighty in power- that's my God.  Welcome back to our lives.....