Light.......
MERCY! It has been a while since I sat down and just let my fingers really walk around on this keyboard. There has been something stirring so strongly in my spirit for many weeks but I just haven't known what to do with it- and to be honest, I still don't.
All I know is that I am up at 3:55 a.m. (that is what time I am starting this, who knows when it will be finished:) and typing away watching videos from the "Interrupted" book/bible study written by Jen Hatmaker. If any of you follow me on facebook you are probably saying to yourself, "Oh no. Here she goes again." Well, you are kind of right, here I go again:)
Two of our children are now attending public school. We live in an incredible school district- quite honestly, one of the best in the state. From their all day- everyday preK program all the way to the massive and, dare I say, STUNNING college prep building (reserved only for seniors) they have it all together. It is public school at it's best...well, kind of.
When Brasen, our oldest, started getting to the age where we had to consider school solutions countless things went through our minds. Immediately we thought we "knew" we were supposed to home school. We have friends who home school their children and their children are simply beautiful from the inside out. Well rounded, hearts of gold, well versed in all the things that are important and just a beautiful image of what we wanted our children to be. With Brasen's medical history and conditions we thought this would be our only option. Then, God started messing with us about it and our motive behind the choice we thought we were going to make.
From day one of his prek year I hold my breath, say a prayer and put him in God's hands as the safety patrol opens our car door to welcome Brasen into the "world"- scary thought seeing that I am still in the car with (at that time) one infant and a grocery list that just won't stop. At the age of 4 I watched my oldest child walk into a school to be cared for by his teacher, school nurse and hundreds of other people.....but none of them were me.
Now, here we are at present day and Brian and I have two beautiful children that wait excitedly in the back seat each morning as we drive from our neighborhood, cross the busy city street and enter the neighborhood next to ours where their school is. On a funny note, it is not an uncommon thing for Brasen, at least one morning each week, explain (in a way that only a politician or preacher can) why it would make so much more sense for us to sell our home and move right next to the school in a rent house so he can ride his bike to school. Oh that kid!
Several years ago Brian and I were ministering at a church camp leading some classes for the teenagers and then leading worship in the evening service. I was sitting with the camp directors wife and talking to her about school and options and all that goes with the decision we were, at that time, trying to make. This beautiful woman and her husband had a HOUSE FULL of kids- everyone of them beautiful and wonderful examples of what God can do. All of them were attending the public schools in their small hometown. As she sat and listened to me talk about what I "thought" I knew she smiled and patiently waited for me to, well, shut my mouth. She then began to speak into my life as only a strong woman of God can. She said, "Kim, you have got to do what you know that God has placed in your heart. You have got to commit to not living in fear of what might happen and, instead, live with the strength and belief that He has given you that He will carry not only you, but your children as He has promised He would." She then told me that she makes it through the crazy mornings of packing lunches, hectic breakfasts, brushing teeth, tying shoes and lost backpacks with grace that only God can give her. She said once she gets everyone in the car there is a short span of some sort of silence that she grabs on to and at that time she voices a prayer over each of her children. She said she doesn't pray silently over them at this time but she voices her prayer out loud for each child to hear because she knows that when she does this, the prayer goes directly into their heart and they have a peace about them knowing that their momma took a moment to talk to the creator about each one of them.
Luke 6:45 says "Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart." Let's be honest, I have my moments. I have moments when I totally loose it and find myself saying the most rediculous things to my husband and children as I am scolding them for something silly they did on a day that I was tired (due to getting up and blogging at 4 in the morning:). But, I pray that someday when my children read this verse I will be the "her" that immediately pops into their minds.
So, back to the book I am reading that's messing with my stuff. I promise, it does relate to the above story.....well, kind of. On page 22 of the book Jen begins to warn the readers about a prayer she had prayed. She really builds it up and I am thinking "this is going to GOOOOOD!" I need to make sure I have my high lighter ready to and I need make sure I can really have time to read this incredible prayer I am about to read. I begin gearing up for it and when I look over to the next page the prayer is only 8 words long and one of the words is actually only a letter "a" so it doesn't count! I looked for more "" just to make sure I wasn't missing another part of her quote and, nope- I wasn't. That was it. This life altering prayer is only less that a full line in the book....but, it has messed me up.
Here it is- "God, raise up in me a holy passion." That's it! No frills, no massive long legalistic words that webster himself has yet to discover. Pure and simple. PURE and simple. When I first read it, I only read it. It was not my prayer and I didn't want it to be at that time. My friend, Anna, had turned me onto this book and had asked me several times to get it and read it. When I got to this page I thought, "what is Anna trying to do here?" I thought she must have some motive behind this and I am not falling for it.
I continued to read on in the book, still not making this prayer the cry of my heart. Our two older children were playing outside and I was sitting reading through the chapters of the book making notes in the boarders and underlining like crazy when Elijah came downstairs after waking from a nap. He is 2- I am just going to put that out there. So, here I am, reading (something that doesn't happen when all three kids are awake and at home-EVER!) and Elijah climbs into my lap with his bear. He looks up at me and these words came out of his mouth, "Mom? What does God say?"
This was one of those moments where I looked up and had to stop for a brief moment to really think about if he really had just asked this question- he is 2 for pete's sake. So, I stopped what I was doing (which was arguing in my head weather or not I wanted to open this can of worms in my life) and asked him the big question..."what baby?" And, of course (because God was on a mission and He was using my 2 year old to speak to me that day), he repeated himself very clearly... "Mom? What does God say?" and then, he looked away and started watching WordWorld (if you are a parent you know what I'm talking about.) I sat and the only thing that came into my mind was "God says to love each other." He thought about it and repeated it several times, and I did too. He then got up, opened the back door and went to play with his siblings while I sat speechless in our recliner trying to understand what had just happened.
This may sound small and silly to some of you but I believe God woke my child up from his nap that day to come downstairs with a word for me. Now, don't get me wrong. I love people. I love that God makes us all unique and different and beautiful and in His image but I was still missing it... That very moment I opened the book and prayed the words of Jen Hatmaker- "God, raise up in me a holy passion." Immediately the words of a song sung by Christy Nockels came flooding into my mind that I hadn't sung since my college years at the BSU (yes, that is what is was long before the BCM came:). The words are:
The words of the song and the words of that prayer slowly started churning in my heart and eventually made their way to my head. It has messed with me. It has caused me to re-evaluate everything I do, everything I say- you name it and God is messing with it right now in my life.
As I look at my children I hope (because my hope is in Him so it's okay to hope) that I guide them so they can share light to the world with a pure and sincere heart. I hope that I teach them each and everyday what God says- to love each other. I hope that my children listen to the driving force that God has placed in them and uses it to make this world shake. I pray that I am filling my daughters heart with beautiful things from God that will someday spill out of her mouth. I pray that our boys will see the incredible man of God their daddy is and walk behind him on the beautiful (sometimes rough and rocky) path he is making for them while branching off on their own as they lead their families and their ministries later in life.
Final thought to this marathon post- Brasen came home with an assignment in which he had to tell how he got his name and why it is perfect for him. As I sat and explained that his name means "gift from God" and how we chose that name in the midst of extreme circumstances in which the doctors weren't sure if he would actually live- all three children sat down to listen. I was able to tell Alex about her name meaning "defender of mankind" and Elijah (which, I know he doesn't grasp quite yet) means "Jesus, my savior is my teacher" and each of them asked so many questions. They all got up and Brasen returned to the kitchen to complete his assignment. I asked him to read what he had written since he would have to present it to the class the next day.
He wrote:
After he read it his eyes met mine and he said, "but mom, what if they aren't Christians? What if they don't know what I am saying?"........ He went to school the next day. On our way to school I was praying over them and when I finished his little voice from the backseat said "thank you, mom." He and Alex left the car that morning armed with strength that only God could give them. Brasen shared his testimony with his class- in public school- in the 2nd grade.
1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
We have no idea what He has for us but His commandments stand firm- Love God- Love Others- Share ME with them as you walk through this world. Be the light in a dark world.
All I know is that I am up at 3:55 a.m. (that is what time I am starting this, who knows when it will be finished:) and typing away watching videos from the "Interrupted" book/bible study written by Jen Hatmaker. If any of you follow me on facebook you are probably saying to yourself, "Oh no. Here she goes again." Well, you are kind of right, here I go again:)
Two of our children are now attending public school. We live in an incredible school district- quite honestly, one of the best in the state. From their all day- everyday preK program all the way to the massive and, dare I say, STUNNING college prep building (reserved only for seniors) they have it all together. It is public school at it's best...well, kind of.
When Brasen, our oldest, started getting to the age where we had to consider school solutions countless things went through our minds. Immediately we thought we "knew" we were supposed to home school. We have friends who home school their children and their children are simply beautiful from the inside out. Well rounded, hearts of gold, well versed in all the things that are important and just a beautiful image of what we wanted our children to be. With Brasen's medical history and conditions we thought this would be our only option. Then, God started messing with us about it and our motive behind the choice we thought we were going to make.
From day one of his prek year I hold my breath, say a prayer and put him in God's hands as the safety patrol opens our car door to welcome Brasen into the "world"- scary thought seeing that I am still in the car with (at that time) one infant and a grocery list that just won't stop. At the age of 4 I watched my oldest child walk into a school to be cared for by his teacher, school nurse and hundreds of other people.....but none of them were me.
Now, here we are at present day and Brian and I have two beautiful children that wait excitedly in the back seat each morning as we drive from our neighborhood, cross the busy city street and enter the neighborhood next to ours where their school is. On a funny note, it is not an uncommon thing for Brasen, at least one morning each week, explain (in a way that only a politician or preacher can) why it would make so much more sense for us to sell our home and move right next to the school in a rent house so he can ride his bike to school. Oh that kid!
Several years ago Brian and I were ministering at a church camp leading some classes for the teenagers and then leading worship in the evening service. I was sitting with the camp directors wife and talking to her about school and options and all that goes with the decision we were, at that time, trying to make. This beautiful woman and her husband had a HOUSE FULL of kids- everyone of them beautiful and wonderful examples of what God can do. All of them were attending the public schools in their small hometown. As she sat and listened to me talk about what I "thought" I knew she smiled and patiently waited for me to, well, shut my mouth. She then began to speak into my life as only a strong woman of God can. She said, "Kim, you have got to do what you know that God has placed in your heart. You have got to commit to not living in fear of what might happen and, instead, live with the strength and belief that He has given you that He will carry not only you, but your children as He has promised He would." She then told me that she makes it through the crazy mornings of packing lunches, hectic breakfasts, brushing teeth, tying shoes and lost backpacks with grace that only God can give her. She said once she gets everyone in the car there is a short span of some sort of silence that she grabs on to and at that time she voices a prayer over each of her children. She said she doesn't pray silently over them at this time but she voices her prayer out loud for each child to hear because she knows that when she does this, the prayer goes directly into their heart and they have a peace about them knowing that their momma took a moment to talk to the creator about each one of them.
Luke 6:45 says "Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart." Let's be honest, I have my moments. I have moments when I totally loose it and find myself saying the most rediculous things to my husband and children as I am scolding them for something silly they did on a day that I was tired (due to getting up and blogging at 4 in the morning:). But, I pray that someday when my children read this verse I will be the "her" that immediately pops into their minds.
So, back to the book I am reading that's messing with my stuff. I promise, it does relate to the above story.....well, kind of. On page 22 of the book Jen begins to warn the readers about a prayer she had prayed. She really builds it up and I am thinking "this is going to GOOOOOD!" I need to make sure I have my high lighter ready to and I need make sure I can really have time to read this incredible prayer I am about to read. I begin gearing up for it and when I look over to the next page the prayer is only 8 words long and one of the words is actually only a letter "a" so it doesn't count! I looked for more "" just to make sure I wasn't missing another part of her quote and, nope- I wasn't. That was it. This life altering prayer is only less that a full line in the book....but, it has messed me up.
Here it is- "God, raise up in me a holy passion." That's it! No frills, no massive long legalistic words that webster himself has yet to discover. Pure and simple. PURE and simple. When I first read it, I only read it. It was not my prayer and I didn't want it to be at that time. My friend, Anna, had turned me onto this book and had asked me several times to get it and read it. When I got to this page I thought, "what is Anna trying to do here?" I thought she must have some motive behind this and I am not falling for it.
I continued to read on in the book, still not making this prayer the cry of my heart. Our two older children were playing outside and I was sitting reading through the chapters of the book making notes in the boarders and underlining like crazy when Elijah came downstairs after waking from a nap. He is 2- I am just going to put that out there. So, here I am, reading (something that doesn't happen when all three kids are awake and at home-EVER!) and Elijah climbs into my lap with his bear. He looks up at me and these words came out of his mouth, "Mom? What does God say?"
This was one of those moments where I looked up and had to stop for a brief moment to really think about if he really had just asked this question- he is 2 for pete's sake. So, I stopped what I was doing (which was arguing in my head weather or not I wanted to open this can of worms in my life) and asked him the big question..."what baby?" And, of course (because God was on a mission and He was using my 2 year old to speak to me that day), he repeated himself very clearly... "Mom? What does God say?" and then, he looked away and started watching WordWorld (if you are a parent you know what I'm talking about.) I sat and the only thing that came into my mind was "God says to love each other." He thought about it and repeated it several times, and I did too. He then got up, opened the back door and went to play with his siblings while I sat speechless in our recliner trying to understand what had just happened.
This may sound small and silly to some of you but I believe God woke my child up from his nap that day to come downstairs with a word for me. Now, don't get me wrong. I love people. I love that God makes us all unique and different and beautiful and in His image but I was still missing it... That very moment I opened the book and prayed the words of Jen Hatmaker- "God, raise up in me a holy passion." Immediately the words of a song sung by Christy Nockels came flooding into my mind that I hadn't sung since my college years at the BSU (yes, that is what is was long before the BCM came:). The words are:
Give me one pure and holy passion. Give me one magnificent obsession. Give me one glorious ambition for my life- to know and follow hard after you.
The words of the song and the words of that prayer slowly started churning in my heart and eventually made their way to my head. It has messed with me. It has caused me to re-evaluate everything I do, everything I say- you name it and God is messing with it right now in my life.
As I look at my children I hope (because my hope is in Him so it's okay to hope) that I guide them so they can share light to the world with a pure and sincere heart. I hope that I teach them each and everyday what God says- to love each other. I hope that my children listen to the driving force that God has placed in them and uses it to make this world shake. I pray that I am filling my daughters heart with beautiful things from God that will someday spill out of her mouth. I pray that our boys will see the incredible man of God their daddy is and walk behind him on the beautiful (sometimes rough and rocky) path he is making for them while branching off on their own as they lead their families and their ministries later in life.
Final thought to this marathon post- Brasen came home with an assignment in which he had to tell how he got his name and why it is perfect for him. As I sat and explained that his name means "gift from God" and how we chose that name in the midst of extreme circumstances in which the doctors weren't sure if he would actually live- all three children sat down to listen. I was able to tell Alex about her name meaning "defender of mankind" and Elijah (which, I know he doesn't grasp quite yet) means "Jesus, my savior is my teacher" and each of them asked so many questions. They all got up and Brasen returned to the kitchen to complete his assignment. I asked him to read what he had written since he would have to present it to the class the next day.
He wrote:
My mommy and daddy found my name on the internet. It means gift from God. The doctors said I wouldn't live but I am a miracle.
After he read it his eyes met mine and he said, "but mom, what if they aren't Christians? What if they don't know what I am saying?"........ He went to school the next day. On our way to school I was praying over them and when I finished his little voice from the backseat said "thank you, mom." He and Alex left the car that morning armed with strength that only God could give them. Brasen shared his testimony with his class- in public school- in the 2nd grade.
1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
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